Xmas Tree Disposal Advice

Due to many, many repeated questions on numerous social media pages regarding Xmas Tree Disposal, we have been requested by T&MBC to consolidate the answer into one simple solution on display to all West Malling Residents.

Depending on your circumstances, physical ability and general mood we recommend the following options:-

1. Shove it up your ass!

2. Grab the tree by it's lower end of the trunk, ensuring you remove the pot or tree stand first, carry it outside until you find the first car that's parked like a complete twat, and give the bonnet a damn good thrashing whilst jumping up and down in the style of John Cleese. You shouldn't have to walk far.

3. Throw it in the garden whilst saying 'I'll deal with that later' - and never touch it again.

4. Throw it in the garden, but clip off a branch every time you walk past it. Take the branches and place them in the green bin which is collected every 2 weeks. By November 2018, you should no longer have any tree left and would have a sense of achievement that you've disposed of the tree without anyone noticing, just like Steve McQueen in the Great Escape. This is probably the most coolest and dedicated method.

5. The most boring method which seems quite popular is to leave it out on Friday with the Green Waste collection. They'll simply take it away.

Happy New Year!