Pricey appointed at Liberty Property Trust

A new chief financial director has been drafted in on a consultancy basis for 2018 at Kings Hill based property management firm, Liberty.

Pricey, is expected to have started work a few weeks back to improve the spending on 2018's budget which caters for the upkeep and maintenance of Kings Hill community.

Residents were today gifted the first part of her work, in way of the 2018 budget and it hasn't disappointed.

We asked Katie, as she's known to her colleagues, for some commentary on how and why she came to some of the costings.

A Copy of the 2018 Kings Hill Budget from Pricey - Released today.

"Well, first of all I noticed that last year we only spent 40 odd grand on picking up litter. Whilst I appreciate this isn't exactly the 1980's and nobody really drops litter too much these days, I can't imagine someone in such a poor degrading job working for much less than a grand a week, so I upped it to just over £50k salary. Thats Pricey!"

She went on....

"Last year my new colleagues felt it fit to purchase a youth vandalism deterrant in way of a camera at 5 graaaaand. Faking ell! 5 grand on a camera! I was going to leave it at that already being pricey but I heard some little shits once upon a time ripped up some trees. Well there's my opportunity. I left the Camera costs out and added 10 big whopping Grandino's in there for 'replacement trees'! Lovely Jubbly that's PRICEY!

Ahhh, the little so and so's - Kids will be Kids!"

"I probably had the most fun with the Gibson Drive play area. I mean who doesn't love getting on a swing with their children. When Liberty explained there was room in the budget to improve the play area to have a slightly larger climbing wall and a parent and child basket swing, I immediately thought to myself, that's got 80 grand written all over it! We're going to add 2 gazillion diamonte's to the basket for justification. I can't believe they signed it off, that was PRICEY!"

"Lastly, I moved on to parking and traffic which I understand is quite a fond subject amongst residents here. I knew I'd be able to touch a few nerves here and get away with spending a fortune. I'm not sure why, but a figure just came to me like a husband, 50 grand. I threw in the mention of a few chicanes, and said the cycle lane would NOT be affected in any way, so cars are still able to park in it accordingly. They only bloody signed it off didn't they! Thats PRICEY!!"

She closed the interview off with a final comment about running out of cash.

"Unfortunately, they told me to stop spending as we'd run out of cash. However, I'm quite clued up on all the back door stuff if you know what I mean, (wink wink), and I know a bloke, who knows another bloke, who does a deal with the Church of England. It's fantastic. We're going to remove the flat wasted land of the Tennis courts, coz I mean who actually plays outside of Wimbledon anyway eh? I blwoody dont!

We've only gone and flogged it round the back door for a Church to be built! They're going to pay for it, we look to be giving the land away but actually we get all the cash for years to come from renting the halls out like a community centre. Genius!! I think they'll have me back next year for sure."

We are unsure if Ms Price actually grasped the concept of improving spending within the budget as she seemed to have taken the aim as increasing, rather than decreasing. Residents are slightly bemused as they study todays budget and no doubt will be raising questions to the appointment of Ms Pricey.